A Childhood So Bitter.

I still remember the voicemail I got.

My brother simply telling me you’re gone.

I didn’t expect to receive that message.

I woke up confused, angry, I’d attest it.

Thought you lied about caring.

The reality was glaring.

I was bitter, exhausted.

I hated you and was disgusted.

Although my heart did defrost.

Never realized how much my hatred cost.

Not until I got that call.

I started to see, I lost it all.

I lived in a world where you never loved me.

Grew up without you, was too late to see.

You meant what you said.

Were full of regret.

Life, a beach that’s constantly changing.

Time wearing away, like the ocean, ongoing.

Changing the shore.

Not the same, anymore.

The loss, was so sudden.

I thought time was a given.

Maybe if we had five more years,

Or ten, what would I have done then.

If I knew, what I know now.

I’d give you a chance, not shut you down.

Tell you I love you, let you be my dad.

Learn what you sound like, when glad.

I was only three, Two decades too long.

I didn’t see you until you were gone.

You regretted the relationship we had.

Feelings too complicated to be labelled as sad.

Some flowers bloom in the same place they wither.

I suppose that’s something I should consider.

Your passing was hard, for all of your children.

But showed the reality of what you had been in.

My vision of you, had been poisoned.

I’d never expected to feel so emboldened.

To learn who you were, what you did.

To really consider what it all meant.

I lived so long feeling I couldn't be loved.

It didn’t change, until you were above.

I’m different now, sure of my conviction.

You loved me, reality was different.