satire
Politicians provide us with all of the comedy gold. We're only mere curators.
Bad Day? Blame Trump!
If this article is not read, I believe I have the perfect reason. Is it a lack of readers? No. More rather, it is because of our current sitting president, Donald Trump! After all, Trump is to blame for everything regarding the Coronavirus. Despite the fact that China is the real culprit behind the virus, let us instead blame Trump because...why not?
By Halden Mile6 years ago in The Swamp
The Gun
Imagine a gun. You don’t have to imagine it, it’s right here in the kitchen, lying on the counter, painfully naked and exposed beneath the dying golden light of the setting sun. The gun looks brand new; black, shiny, unscathed - a classic Smith & Wesson build, almost too perfect. The magazine, full of bullets, lays next to it. You don’t really know where it came from or how it got there, but you can’t find it in yourself to care, and you reach forward to wrap your fingers around the handle. As you lift it off the marbled surface of the counter you revel in the comfortable weight of it in your hand, and it fascinates you to no end. Your finger brushes against the trigger, gently, tentatively. Slowly and deliberately, your grip closes more firmly and you raise it to eye level, the barrel pointed squarely at a framed picture of your parents on the opposite side of the room. It’s well-balanced. You think you might shoot some cans and bottles out on the porch the next day. This is a handgun, but you also have a sawed-off shotgun in the shed, and a semi-automatic rifle hanging above the mantelpiece in your living room, like it’s your most prized possession. Occasionally, you go game-hunting; you think of it as a rewarding and stress-relieving activity.
By Max Mercer 6 years ago in The Swamp
A Modern Proposal
2020 It is a melancholy object to those who walk through the streets of America when they see the state of things. Enormous houses, fit to house 10-20 souls, occupied by a single couple, the garage packed full of vehicles that utilize too much of our finite resources to build and maintain, and yet are never used. They are there for status and ornamentation only. The walls of these houses erected by laborers who are frequently underpaid, their unions having been dashed by the very politicians the residents of these monstrosities have bought and paid for. Diamonds mined by children in countries that the inhabitants of these houses can not pronounce the names of, nor point to on a map, adorn the limbs of these people. They think only of the weight of the stones, never of the blood spilled to obtain them.
By Paige Graffunder6 years ago in The Swamp
Dodgy algorithms and fascism
I have been on Facebook for six years. In that time, I have not stated that I am a supporter of the Conservative Party. The nearest I have got to expressing such support is when I have openly declared that I have agreed with what a Conservative Member of Parliament has said independent of the party line.
By Alan Russell6 years ago in The Swamp
iSpeak Polling Finds Polls Wrong
iSpeak Polling Finds Polls Inaccurate Quite a Lot iSpeak Polling (formerly We Listen Polling) has released a report over 50 or so years in the making. The report tracked pollster’s predictions from 1962, when polling probably began, and found they are ‘inaacurate’ 10 or 11 times out of 10 with a margin of error of 9.767 or 20 some points or percents.
By Diane Randle6 years ago in The Swamp
Getting a Chinese with the Kids
I don’t understand politics. I’ve absolutely no idea what any of it means and what is actually going on with this country half the time. Brexit? Oh yeah, I’m going there. Up until recently I didn’t understand it what with the whole deal/No deal situation. Like, is Noel Edmonds gonna pop out from nowhere in a minute and say ‘psych, you’re actually on my gameshow!’? People can literally have a debate about Brexit in front of me, even shout about it in my face, and I will stand there with dead eyes and a blank expression taking not one single point in.
By Ellie young6 years ago in The Swamp
Britain Shall Not Go Hungry After Brexit
“I disapprove of what you say but I will defend... etc, etc, etc” I wouldn’t, as Voltaire is believed to have said, “defend to the death” the positions taken in this letter, even though I would still defend the right of someone to express their opinion. This letter smacks of an era in Britain’s history when the population was encouraged, albeit under significantly different circumstances, to roll up their sleeves, dig for Britain by growing their own food and showing that Johnny Foreigner character the stuff we are made of.
By Alan Russell7 years ago in The Swamp
Reed Alexander's Patriot Review of 'Detective Heart of America: The Final Freedom' (2015)
This movie—this epoch—represents centuries of culminating cinematography and screenwriting efforts of the world's greatest minds. Together, they singlehandedly fed their creative muses into the mind of the great master, Jason Steele. Only he could siphon the powers of such amazing intellects and slush it into a singularity of the greatest movie of all times. Only he could interpret the collective unconscious of the super-unknown!
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in The Swamp
Wright Political Couple
Mr Wright had considered himself an important member of the party. Among many of his peers, he saw Margaret Thatcher as a Goddess—a true dominatrix. As a boy, he had a postcard of Winston Churchill, who he considered the greatest politician who ever lived. Taking what seemed to be another week of annual leave, he was sworn in by the prime minister to attend another one of those meetings regarding Brexit. Like in the last few letters, Mrs May insisted that the fate of the world depended on it. And like the last one, it ended up as a practice run for Strictly Come Dancing.
By Chloe Gilholy7 years ago in The Swamp
Brexit Is Like Watching Your Uncles Have Sex – Johnny's Brexit PC Suicide Watchtower
Happy Brexit everybody! So this what the future looks like. I was promised pink hoverboards and killer cyborgs but instead we’ll be arguing about Brexit as our crazy little island sinks into the rising tides.
By Johnny Vedmore7 years ago in The Swamp
