Racing the Wind Again

I stopped looking for the moments that use to light me up.

There was no room for those moments between the bills piling up,

and the medication management and the appointments,

and life goes faster sometimes than I can keep up with,

like standing in a room with the walls spinning around you

and you're not even present enough to get dizzy from the momentum

but there have been glimpses

things that I nearly missed

when I am running the warm water over my hands

and the gold shines through the window for almost no reason

when i stop to catch my breath on my way to the car

and the breeze sweeps past me

I hear a whisper in the wind that sounds like an old friend

and then across the field I can almost see her again

racing the wind,

standing on the tallest rock giving a monologue to the fairies in the woods

and I smile

I have ignored her so long

as she walked beside me in wonder

I nearly missed her wiping my tears away when I was crying on the bathroom floor at 2 am

I did not look behind me to see her running to catch up

I did not hear her screams begging me to still believe in the magic

the moments that she pulled on my arm to get me to notice

that there was no reason for gold to shine through the windows

that the fairies in the wind still yearned for my monologues

and the magic still lives in between the moments that adulthood tried its best to hide

I almost missed her return

after years of survival

after years that I couldn't breathe

I almost missed that when I slowed down enough

the door let her in

I nearly fell back into old patterns

stopped taking walks on the acres

I missed the moment when the room stopped spinning around me

and there she was

the child I used to be

the one who came back to me

all her bruises healed

her own room no longer spinning

she takes my hand and we race the wind again