Book Review: "Anne Boleyn: 500 Years of Lies" by Hayley Nolan

When I first started this book and read some of the cutesy side-notes (such as, and I shit you not, the use of hashtags in the introduction), I sat back in my chair, covered my face and thought "oh, here the f- we go..." The final boss of the millennial quirkdom 3rd-wave-feminist social-media-brained pseudo-historical pop-culture middle-class putrid quippy bullshit. Here the f- we go, indeed. Then I realised that I am pretty much the same and though this took me a while I also realised: that is basically what I do here. Atop of this, Hayley Nolan isn't exactly wrong. Anne Boleyn's records are written mostly by sociopathic men both past and present who were either so regarded with religion that they didn't know where the sun went at night (and they didn't care, but they definitely pretended it was a flex) OR, they are so concerned with her appearance, they forget she was a person - typical of the soft-brained male-dominated academic world.

I too, am a millennial quirkdom queen. So let's get this started.

Let's investigate Anne Boleyn's story, properly this time - complete with millennial quips...

One thing I find that I have in common with the author is the complete disinterest in what Anne Boleyn would have looked like. I don't understand why it is so important. Some people have stated to me that it is to humanise her, but why must you know what she looks like in order to believe that she's a human? The author offers the idea that men can cast her as one of two people: she is a seductress and so should look like an almost dark-haired Margot Robbie kind of figure, kind of like Megan Fox or something. Or, she is a witchy woman with six fingers and guilty of incest and thus, she is ugly and horrid. Physiognomy is alive and kicking in the brainrot of the male mind we can see, even in the academic history realm. I love that Hayley Nolan and I are on the same page - we simply do not care. There are far more important things about Anne Boleyn's life to pay attention to. She was intelligent, she was religious and she was most importantly - loud and full of ire. Brilliant.

Henry VIII was a sociopath. Hayley Nolan gives us the science behind the mental illness of Henry VIII which means that there are several instances we need to look at and analyse in order to make this assumption. I have the agree with Hayley Nolan that the king was, in fact, a sociopath. Henry VIII feels the fear that a psychopath does not, though he is unfeeling towards others in the way of love or kindness. She states that Henry VIII's most "shocking" actions are driven by fear - these shocking fears are basically everything but the biggest (as I have researched myself) seems to be death. If you look up how he died and then what happened afterwards, it seems to be the perfect reward for making everyone else's life miserable.

We are taken into the background of Henry's upbringing to find out how he ended up this way and really, it is a combination of quite a few different horrid things about his family. First of all, the fact he was taken away from his parents young and then, he was administered an education by a vile misogynist who basically built this egotistical king into the monster he became. Anne on the other hand, is a woman who is constantly shifted around like a chess piece but is well aware of it and uses it to a strategic advantage.

Once in the presence of the king, there is much to be desired when it comes to influencing public positions. But it is also clear that the king's divorce from Catherine of Aragon was something thought of way before he even met Anne. The fact that him meeting Anne was the catalyst for the divorce is another lie told again and again by men who want to believe that the king found a younger, prettier wife to bear his children. Ah yes, the male breeding fantasy is alive and well in the realm of academia. We can all see it today too. Just look around at the birthing crisis and all the men that are crying about it whilst the women, like Anne, are simply getting on with their lives whilst strategically building position.

Hayley Nolan makes the point of stating that Anne was not the person who wanted the crown for herself. Her family was there trying to push her around, but Anne would do no wrong. The research shows that Anne was actually a charitable woman with a good religious foundation and a lovely political figure even though she wasn't allowed to sit in parliament. She wanted to help the poor and give to the needy - even though again, her family had their own agenda. She was committed to the poor people around the country and would tend to issues herself during the summer. In three short years, she would make waves in terms of how England was now on the make. It wasn't just about money, it was about agency. And because of this agency she would pay for the education of impoverished students to study at Cambridge University.

I honestly didn't know this last thing and I am so surprised that I hadn't really heard much about it before. As I learned more about Anne Boleyn, I discovered she was also a woman who's image was tainted by the men around her who didn't like her. Surprise, surprise that the men who were paid to go to Cambridge by Anne did not participate in the smearing of her image. She was very persuasive when it came to talking to the king but then again, she was doomed from the beginning. Anne would set up her own schools, education initiatives and making sure teaching jobs were well-paid she would ensure that people had agency. It was seriously incredible stuff.

All in all, as we move through the book to the doomed countdown of 1536, Anne Boleyn is painted as a whole new woman. There is no real lewdness and there was no real 'affair' to be seen about, but the one thing I found most shocking is that her downfall didn't actually include Henry VIII at all. Henry VIII only wrote up her arrest and death warrant, but played no part in the fact that she was declining in public opinion in the court. Anne saw Henry with Jane (Seymour) and Jane did not enjoy the company of Anne. Catherine of Aragon dies and Henry has abandoned his latest wife. Yikes and yikes again. By the time Anne dies by execution, there is a whole new thing to discover from this author and I'm going to leave that for you to read. This is one of the best books I've read on Anne Boleyn - absolutely brilliant from start to finish.