Adult Kids Uninvited to Mother’s Easter Celebration

In this Reddit Post Mom made it clear she was dis-inviting her adult kids and grandkids to Easter dinner. Why? Because one of her two daughters asked that the Easter celebration be moved to her house, two hours away.

Daughter’s reasoning was that it would be easier for her two kids to have the holiday dinner at home. Yet, the mom was not having it. She says she spent 30 dollars on a special Easter-themed tablecloth and decided to cancel the gathering altogether.

Commenters generally agreed with the daughter. They feel that Mom was guilting her children and making the Easter celebration “all about her.”

One poster suggested daughter send her mom the 30 dollars for the table cloth and call it a day.

How do you rectify family disputes over holidays?

Therapists agree you should set healthy boundaries and compromise when necessary.

I would talk to Mom and explain that the kids are really little and it is much easier to celebrate at home. But as they get older, making the two hour drive will be much less of a hassle.

You could add something like, “Mom, you remember how we were as toddlers? So you get it right?”

Even if Mom is still fuming and refuses to talk to you, this article in Psychology Today advises you to lead with empathy, not defensive explanations.

Validate without Agreeing

You can acknowledge their pain without accepting blame for everything they claim. It could be there is something much deeper than a 30 dollars table cloth at stake.

Could Mom be infuriated with something else, and changing Easter dinner plans is the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak?

This article from the Cleveland Clinic suggests a family meeting is a good idea to sort out deep seated issues that may be festering. In fact, having a licensed therapist moderate is even better. Because they can de-escalate the conversation especially if arguments get heated.

Sometimes, hashing out old wounds can lead to a peaceful resolve. And family members learn how to communicate better with each other so that conflicts don’t arise every time a change occurs…whether it be holiday dinner plans or time with the grandchildren.

As families grow and change, and more people enter the fold (i.e. in-laws) the dynamic changes as well.

I remember a conversation with my friend who was having difficulty communicating wither her mother-in-law over time with the grand kids. They finally ironed out a schedule that worked for both of them. It took a lot of patience and understanding. But my friend was glad she kept an open dialogue with her MIL instead of flying off the handle every time the issue came up.

In my own situation, family members rotated holiday dinners and the plans rarely changed. It was a nice tradition for my son to look forward to. He knew which family member hosted each holiday dinner. We always got 4th of July, which I was thankful for. A much easier prep and cleanup!

I generally agree with the Reddit posters. If I were the mother of two toddlers, I would relish the opportunity to spend one quiet Easter at home, rather than face the chaos of a large family gathering. Although, I would not send Mom 30 dollars for the table cloth. I don’t think the conflict here is about money. And she might be insulted that her daughter thought otherwise.

As the Psychology today article advises, I would set up a family meeting a few weeks after the holiday and get to the Bottom of what is really going on with Mom.