Ode To Two-Ply TP
My ever faithful friend.
Joyous joyous on the toilet.
Reaching out for my best friend.
Not the one ply shallow paper,
but the two ply softened blend.
Ever faithful, others have tattered,
like a dog, heβs my best friend.
Wiping, swiping, with my buddy.
Two Ply TP, on the Can.
π§»
Jolly, jolly, Iβm so happy,
cramps are gone, the crap has passed.
Others hide, but not my buddy,
Two-ply Roll has stood the test.
Rolling upward, spinning downward,
Ever strong to clean my crack,
Slipping, sliding, ever wiping,
From my balls and up my back.
π§»
Faithful, faithful, Two-plyβs hardy,
One ply leaves my fingers bare.
No complaints, just joins the party,
Gently wipes with tender care.
Never stranded, ever Iβm grateful,
for my Two-ply pure white roll.
Heβs a giver, and a taker,
a true lover of my hole.
π§»
Over, under, neither matters,
when the bowels erupt, expand.
Tearing not, no slippy finger,
thatβs what matters in the end.
Always ready, even when messy,
solids or soupy, loose or rocks.
Two ply TPs always steady.
Til the flush of the ballcocks.
π§»
Goodbye, goodbye my dear Two-ply,
swim the sewer and descend.
Dodging crap and sewage rats,
hold on, it all works out in the end.
Gurgling, bubbling, ever onward,
Til recycled and reformed.
Roll on the cone and hurry home,
O Two Ply Roll, my bathroom friend.
π§»
Joyous, joyous, join the chorus,
Celebrate my friend with me.
In the throes of grunts and pooping,
Two-ply takes my crap and pee.
Ever waiting, always ready,
True and faithful to the end.
Fearless, sacrificial giving,
I am thankful for my friend.
𧻠𧻠π§»
About the Creator
J. S. Wade
Since reading Tolkien in Middle school, I have been fascinated with creating, reading, and hearing art through storyβs and music. I am a perpetual student of writing and life.
J. S. Wade owns all work contained here.
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Comments (19)
This was just too funny xD Great poem dude!
well, it is the better toilet paper and very funny. It is a good friend in the end.
Oh my good god... this was soo good that I actually read it, out loud, to my other half! π
Ewwww hahahahahahhahahahaha! I think my favourite line was true lover of my hole π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£
Mr. Wade, What else Can I say ? , I am speechless but full of laughter with this one π€£π. π½πͺ Unforgettable imagery π₯΄π€£
Haha this was great π
π€£π€£π€£ This is great! So many lines that made me smile. Thank God for toilet paper π π π
That was really good, made me smile
Ma'velous. Simply ma'velous. This needs to be set to music.
OMG, this was hilarious! How on earth did you come up with this idea? Awesome!
I'm going to be laughing at this one for quite a while. Great poem, Scott! On a side note, I think my TP is named after you.
Loving your humorous Ode to two-ply TP, the rhyming performance poem isn't crappy but is funny and snappy!!! Good job!!! β₯οΈβ₯οΈπ
Hi Scot - Fun how memories pop-out reading your articles I just can't resist sharing this one with you: My Twin and Wife spent a very 'Special' weekend at $1500Β nightΒ resort. He freaked-out when they had "Single-Ply" Ah, it's the Little 'Trues' in our lives J-Bud
π βNo complaints, just joins the party, gently wipes with tender careβ that was some funny shit, Scott. Thanks for the laughs.
Hahahaha. Shit, that's good.
Bahahahahaha. We should have collaborated
A top story if ever I read one, just a ball of fun to read and feel πππ
I'm so torn (π) !!! I want this as a Top Story, but then that means it wouldn't place in the challenge. I love that you didn't just briefly cover the wonders of this ordinary gift for our bowels. The full coverage expertly gives us laughable resonance and reflection for our own praise for this humble one ready to answer the call of nature.
Funny poem to the 2ply sacrifice.