a thread of quiet rage

~

if this is the only one I get

(and it seems likely it is)

I have no idea what to do with it anymore,

started off with god and woman

myth and matter

but I'm left hollow

wanting to leech the good from this life

(but not end up a sucker)

how am I doing?

shitty fine

looking for that unicorn of purpose

like the rest, I guess

or maybe they've found it

and I haven't got the guts

to look it in the face

(I'm afraid)

afraid I peaked days and months

and years ago

that this is all there is to me (now)

I can barely breathe through the monotony

and I'm left with no fucks to give

I've squandered too many moments

too many choices

(too much of myself...)

but as much as there is fear riding

me to the brink of apathy

there is a thread of anger woven through as well

a quiet rage at myself for

accepting this death life

for getting knocked down

and choosing to lie on the floor

no purpose I can find amidst vinyl and crumbs

I don't really believe in fate

or destiny for that matter

I struggle with faith most days

as it is

yet the afterlife haunts me night and day

in the whispers of what ifs

in the lines on my face

in my dreams that are buried

(alongside me)

I wonder every damn day

will the numbness

creep another inch

or will my rage at last prevail?

- cheers from ground zero