7 minutes

It is my anniversary

How do I celebrate 365 days of Bipolar 1 Depression?

Broken

Stalled

Despite my hospitalisations

I have failed to establish safety, then recovery

Defeated by the potential liability of rapid cycling

Even the danger of my previous seven days without sleep

Could mood elevation into mania be an option?

Yet it alludes me

It is the first time I smile—a recollection without shame

I would emerge from my room laughing. Once again, I would embody Janice Joplin. Sing "Happy Birthday" during lunch and dance on the dining room tables, my hair adorned with paper flowers made by patients in Art Therapy

Then launch acapella into ‘Mercedes Benz’

‘Hey everybody

… Any requests before Stevie Nicks arrives to sing ‘Landslide’

Here I languish and strive for survival

Do I have a choice? No

I must hold onto my relentless resilience

How do I celebrate when I can’t absorb the truth of irrefutable evidence?

My statement of previous admissions before this year

I can’t recall that I have been stable for 4 years before my current anniversary

Then

Without warning, my mind is still

My thoughts of trauma stop

Where are my racing thoughts?

Stillness helps me remember

I return to Neuroscience rather than the DSM5

I recall my research while working as a Medical Librarian at Flinders University for Professor Hollingsworth’s Post Doctorate Thesis ‘What really happens when we die?’

Stillness allows me to ponder

And consider a brighter future

Let me live beyond my current 365 days

I am 60 and know I will recover ‘enough’

I will fight for my life

I will fight for time to experience the exquisite pleasure. To see my son mature well beyond his 23 years!

When I draw my last breath, many years from now

I will welcome my 7 minutes

A surge of neurotransmitters, endorphins, serotonin and dimethyltryptamines from the Pineal gland. And witness the highlights of life during my death experience

I love you, Ross

#

This is my entry into the Challenge:

*

I would like to invite you to read a selection of my writing about Ross. This will provide you with a glimpse into my death experience highlights reel.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Pauline Fountain. © 2026. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be used or reproduced without the written permission of the author.