52 Years in the Making: 5 Lessons I Learned from My "Successful" Friends

I am a so-called “creative” person—always have been and probably always will be.

Unfortunately, I’ve battled with that realization for years. You see, the world taught me that success came from following a traditional path, and I tried to buy in. I’ve struggled and fallen behind (professionally). My challenge between finding a home in the world I feel I belong in, and the one that society wants me to live in has been a long-standing heavy ball and chain. It’s kept me from experiencing life the same way people around me do.

All I’ve ever paid attention to was my worst moments against their best. While I struggled to make a living with my words, they grew professionally into the middle-management stages of their career—oblivious to the gift they’ve been given.

The Square Peg Dilemma

My gifts never provided me a straight-line path to a version of the life they lived. I was a square peg that desperately wanted to fit into a round hole. That meant doing things I didn’t find joy in for a living and allowing the things I loved to become little more than semi-occasional hobbies.

The tangible pursuits that my circle seamlessly slipped into were just never for me. Don’t get me wrong, those gifts made sense to me—they were palatable, and transferred well into the “real world.” I just couldn’t get to the same place. My “gifts” didn’t translate into the same professional or financial success.

No matter how hard I tried, I floundered, jumping from job to job in a never-ending search for the professional fulfillment I’ll never find. Now, at fifty-two, I realize I’ve spent a good portion of my life as an aimless boat floating in the middle of the ocean.

Here’s the kicker, though—and it’s a bummer that it took me this long to figure it out—I’ve been wrong. I’ve allowed years of believing I’ll never make money doing “that” to keep me from doing “that.”

The Formula for the Rest of the Journey

Yes, my path needed to differ from my friends, but the distance to success was nearly the same. There was no reason my creative pursuits could not provide me access to the same life—the house, the vacations, and all the other stuff my friends have earned (at least my version of those things). I just needed to follow their formula.

These are the five attributes that have shone through during their journeys:

1. Be willing to grind

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and my friends didn’t get to where they currently are in a day either. They worked hard, toiled in jobs they didn’t like while burning the midnight oil, studying to finally (after years of busting their butts) enjoy the spoils of their labor. I didn’t see the whole picture because I was too busy being jealous of where they were to consider what it took them to get there.

2. Disregard the finish line

Become laser-focused on the process. It is way too easy to fall into the “going to” trap. My friends didn’t focus on their final destinations until it was a natural part of their journey. They welcomed the process.

3. Get better

One of my most brutal realizations was that the people I put myself up against worked hard to get where they were. They made mistakes—probably even massive ones—and learned from them. Talent is cultivated. No matter where I think I am in the process, there is always room to get better. Improve every day.

4. Put yourself out there

Be willing to have the door shut in your face. Each of my friends was rejected until they finally weren’t. I believed opening yourself up in the creative world was different—that words, art, and emotions meant more and therefore were tougher to “put out there.” It’s simply not true. No one enjoys hearing the word “no,” but you have to fight through the ugliness until you find your path.

5. Cultivate an audience with passion

The “non-creative” people in my life call it networking, but the concept is virtually identical. My friends met people that had the job they wanted. They showed off their skills and asked questions.

Your passion is your differentiator. Put your best work out there and let like-minded people find you.

Why Not Me?

For years, I’d wondered, “why me?” Why can’t I fall in love with coding? Why can’t I sustain an interest in a sales career? It was the wrong way to go through life. I needed to make a subtle shift in mindset that unfortunately didn’t come into focus until recently.

Instead of “why me?” I now ask, “why not me?”

It sounds corny, heck, it even reads corny, but it’s true. Nothing my friends did guaranteed success, but they did it anyway. From now on, I will strive to follow their lead.