Chronic Ache in the Soul of a Single Parent

There is a chronic ache in the soul of a single parent. It lingers, feeling endless. This ache feels so difficult, especially when you look at other families. They seem so… whole. They seem so joyful and complete. There is a husband and a wife and children in a stroller. Thinking about your single state, you realize how awkward you feel, how out of place at various functions and gatherings. They are all happily together and you’re miserably alone. Disappointment with the current life circumstances just settles in to stay, or so it feels. How could these layers of disappointment be broken up anyhow?

Desperately, it slowly dawns on you that the dating pool is growing smaller and smaller and so is your hope. You long to have what you once had. It feels complicated because you second guess what you had before separation occurred. You become more aware of your loneliness. The familial void feels dark and sad. You wonder how things could have been different. All the pesky questions or “what ifs” spin, unabated in the waves of your mental ocean.

Attempting to shift gears to produce a more positive outlook, the gears just rebel, churning angrily. “Yes, I’ll think of all the things I’m grateful for,” you tell yourself, as you realize the straps on your boots fell off a few years ago. “It’s okay I don’t need to pull myself up by my nonexistent bootstraps anyway. I’ll settle for gobbling down this Hershey’s chocolate bar that’s been in my cabinet for far too long instead!” Smiling, “Yes, just another thing I’m grateful for… this, timely, chocolate bar!”

The chocolate fully consumed, you realize it didn’t remove the thoughts that were consuming you before. The thoughts are back and the ache is still there. Yes, still there… Your stomach jiggles and that is especially annoying because it reminds you of the gym membership you canceled recently. “Well, with the gym membership canceled, that leaves more money to buy more chocolate…” Now you’re just joking with yourself. You realize things are getting more and more pathetic by the moment.

Being a single parent is emotionally draining. It doesn’t make a difference how you’re in the state that you’re in, the moments of emotional turmoil can make your heart heavy. Having children is a saving grace for many of us. Honestly, who would we be, if we didn’t have children to provide for and protect?

I would like to encourage you first by saying that you’re not alone, even though you may often feel alone. There are lots of people who are in very similar situations as you are. They have experienced emotional distress, PTSD, depression, anxiety and many other mental health issues too. They struggle to process dozens of insecurities themselves, many of which originated from failed relationships.

The next thing to remember is that your life has power. Not only do you have great purpose but you hold powerful resilience in the mind, heart and will that you have been given. There is no parent quite like you and the way that you shepherd your child or children is special. God wanted you to be the parent of your child for special reasons. As single parents, we feel powerless a lot of the time, or we feel limited, or maybe even stuck. The reality is that life is always beautiful, even if it is difficult, and different than our twenty year plan was.

I hope that you are able to take a few moments to take a deep breath. Remember, you are not alone. You are still full of power to influence your children and others for good. Lastly, I hope that you feel gratitude for the beauty that life produces, day by day!