Dedicated to Finn

When she was eight years old, Alice Henderson briefly held the world record for filling her mouth with marbles. Sadly, only she was witness to the fete, so it was an unofficial record and one that did not impress her parents. Her hysterical mother, on finding Alice with her cheeks bulging, hamster-like, had screamed about the dangers of choking as she’d slapped Alice’s back to dislodge each glass orb from her mouth.

It was the first sign that Alice had a somewhat obsessive nature.

Alice’s favourite toy in the year 1975, when she was nine-years-old, was a plastic shark. She bought it in the local toyshop, when local toyshops were still a thing, and clung to it day and night. She called her shark Finn. Even at the age of nine, she thought that was amusing.

Sharks became her new obsession, and Finn was the embodiment of this, rarely leaving her hand. She particularly enjoyed playing with Finn in the bath. A film called Jaws had just come out at the cinema and, although Alice was too young to see it, she knew about the music and would hum it as loudly as she could while pushing her shark under the water, finally making it leap out with a roar (did sharks roar?), making her mother, who usually sat on the side of the bath while Alice bathed, jump and squeal.

One day, Alice had stood in the middle of the living room, Finn in hand, and declared to both her parents: ‘I am going to work with sharks when I’m big.’

Her parents had laughed and said how funny she was. It wasn’t the reaction Alice had wanted.

Their amusement stung her. A few days later, she put Finn in the cardboard box where an assortment of other toys was stored. Perhaps her parents were right. Working with sharks was a silly idea.

This marked the end of her shark obsession. From age 10, much of her tendency to obsess was channelled into worshipping pop stars, including Donny Osmond and David Essex.

When she was twenty-four, and working behind the counter of a building society five minutes from her parents’ house, Alice met a man called Frank. Frank was a regular customer at the building society. He was a year older than Alice and much better looking, she thought. Alice had no illusions about her looks. She was tall, skinny and her teeth stuck out too far. But she was also intelligent and funny and Frank said he found her charming.

Three years later they were married and a year later they had a baby girl. They had discussed names in the run-up to the birth, but agreed that nothing was final until they saw their daughter.

As soon as Alice held her new daughter and looked down into her pale eyes, she said: ‘Finn. I like the name Finn.’

She had no idea where the idea had come from.

‘Really?’ Frank did not seem as certain. ‘Isn’t that a boy’s name?’

Not necessarily,’ Alice replied. ‘And she definitely looks like a Finn to me.’

Frank frowned. ‘I’ve ever heard of a girl called Finn before.’

‘Well, she’ll be unusual then, won’t he.’

A few days later, the subject of a name was raised again and Alice insisted she still favoured Finn. Eventually, Frank agreed, but only on the condition that her middle name be Agnes after his late grandmother.

Poor kid, thought Alice, but she agreed.

Finn was an excitable child. She walked at the age of 13 months, could read by the age of three and developed a fascination with astronomy by the age of eight. Her little bedroom became a mini observatory, complete with a telescope, star maps and piles of books about of the planets and the universe at large.

Just before her ninth birthday, Finn came home from school in a subdued mood.

‘What’s up? Alice asked, sitting next to her daughter on the living room couch.

Finn just shrugged, which was not like her. Normally, you couldn’t shut her up when she got back from school.

‘Come on, Finn, you can tell me. Did you get into trouble?’

Finn shook her head. ‘They all laughed at me.’

‘Who?’

‘Everyone in my class.’

‘Why?’

Finn looked on the brink of tears. ‘Miss Atkins asked us to say what we wanted to be when we grew up, and I said I was going to be an astronaut and they all laughed.’

Alice took a deep breath. ‘Well, that shows how much they know, doesn’t it.’

Finn looked up at her.

Alice held her daughter’s gaze. ‘I think you being an astronaut is one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard. You love the stars and the planets, and you know so much about the universe. You would be a major asset to any space programme. Keep reading and keep looking through that telescope. It won’t be easy, but I believe you can do it.’

‘Really, Mum?’ The hope in the girl’s eyes made Alice want to weep.

‘Absolutely.’

A few months after this conversation, Alice’s father turned up at the house holding a battered cardboard box.

‘We’re having a clear-out,’ he said, still standing on the doorstep, holding the box out towards Alice. ‘We found this in the wardrobe in your old room. Just some toys, but we thought you might want to go through them.’

Alice carried the box through to the living room, where Finn was lying on the sofa reading a book about space.

She looked up from the pages as Alice entered the room. ‘What’s that?’

‘A box of some of my old toys, apparently. Want to help me sort through them?

‘Sure.’ Finn slid from the sofa, kneeling on the floor and taking the box from her.

Finn pulled out a couple of teddy bears and put them to one side without showing any interest. The next toy held her attention for longer.

‘Cool!’ She was gripping a plastic shark, moving it back and forth in front of her face.

Alice took the shark from Finn’s hand, grinning at it as if she had met an old friend.

‘Finn!’ she exclaimed.

‘What?’ asked her daughter.

‘No, this guy is called Finn too. He was my favourite toy for a while, until…’

‘Until what, Mum?’

Alice stroked her daughter’s hair. ‘Never mind. You just keep reading those books. And looking at the stars. And Finn?”

‘Yes, Mum?’

‘Do you have any marbles?’

Finn did continue to study the stars, and she read every book on the subject she could get her hands on. She didn’t actually become an astronaut, but she did become a lecturer on the subject of astronomy, and she wrote several best-selling books on the subject. Each volume included the same dedication: For my mother, Alice, and the other Finn.