Word of the Day: 快感

I realize now, that I won't ever be able to go on any dates again. My last one wasn't so bad. I wish it were longer, but I won't be able to go outside ever again.

I don't have the ability to eat. I will never eat again. At least.. I will die with some dignity.. and that works for me. At least I am not in pain.. so... that will change after a while. Yea.. kind of a shitty end of life. Never having gone to where I was supposed to go.

I am going to close all the unnecessary accounts, that is all I can do. No, there are no songs, I can only write as far as I am concerned. I will probably continue to write until I can't anymore.

I guess I will really become autistic now, since... I won't be able to speak either. reduced to just pushing buttons. I did the best I was capable of doing.

I am not going to do my timer anymore because, I just want to treasure the time I have left. Yea, this is a very weird suicide letter, but I think all letters are suicide letters as, there is no guarantee you'll ever see the person again, or know if they're alive. Even after they die, people write about them, lol.

Maybe the only person who will know the truth is me, and well I guess I've known that for a long time.

I just feel like, this is a very early time to die. But I guess there are a lot of people who have the same problem.

I will keep working on my Paper Projects, but I will eventually be too weak to complete them. I actually had that problem for a while now, but... when I learned about dying, you get like 2 weeks of like surprise kick up in energy so, I am looking forward to that.

I don't even think I was asking for much but, maybe it was...

It is 5pm now, I am actually pretty tired enough though I've only been up for a few hours. I went pee but I know there is going to be a time I'll be too weak to get up and do that. I guess I am just enjoying it for now.

I know it is random to write about that but, I just don't have anything else to think about. I feel like if i write about what I dreamt of last night, it will be bad.

I guess I might watch tv for a bit. I don't know, it might help but.. might make it worse. Yea, it is weird to think how my brain will die. I don't even think I'll be able to use the 3 notebooks I just bought. Oh well, I guess I have this one.

I slept a lot today so, I figured I should probably keep moving as, even if I die, I don't need to spend my time one way or another.

I decided I will continue to do my TODOs and Paper Projects so at least I will do that, and I also have an appointment tomorrow technically so, we'll see if they actually show up.

Perhaps this is all just an upset about all my appointments being lost for a few days. I mean, if you think about it in terms of work... missing 3 days of work means 3 days without money. How can you make it up? How can you actually catch up?

Who knows... I don't know anymore. I will try to resume my work going forward, but I feel it is getting even harder now.