Say it Out Loud

These thoughts torment me

Like a loud bang in the night

Suddenly, I’m thinking of everything it could be that went wrong

A person coming inside

Something worthy falling and breaking

Or even worse a demon coming to get me again

Paranoia is a concern

How do I rid of these thoughts

Am I just prone to the darkness in the night

Why do I have to experience this?

Why can’t I be a happy go lucky being?

Lord if you’re real, help me.

Why doesn’t he just take them away?

Paranoia is really real.

Especially at night

Does this mean that everything really is darkness or does this mean I’m a dark person?

Does this illness contain me or do I contain the illness.

Is it an illness or is it a warring from the darkness

Am I that far away from god?

How do I get close to him?

Paranoia is torment.

Or am I just tormenting myself?

Why do I do that?

Do I hate myself that much?

I just don’t understand.

I don’t understand a lot of things that’s what torments me

I wish I know everything

If I knew everything I would be god.

How hard it must be to be god

He has to forgive almost everything

Or is it his fault he made us humans this way?

I think it’s unfair to be this way

To experience such paranoia on the hardest days

Think positive they say

It’s so easy to think positive when they hear what you say

I wish I could tell him I’m happy to be this way

But no one wants to experience such dark thoughts

It’s like am I crazy?

Am I psychotic?

Or is it just my brain?

I wish I could say I’m normal

How did I become this way?

Someone help me

I know you can’t help me

I have to help myself

I don’t know how to change

I want to see the light

But I don’t know how

I need to find a way.

All I can think of is a home where they all hear me and I’m loved for being a certain way

But the darkness creeps in

And here I am questioning everything again

It’s a never ending cycle

I need to figure out how to become a better thoughtful person

I do my best I be that way

No one wants to deal with me when I’m. It that way

It’s like I can’t be loved if I’m a dark soul drowning in the day.

Why is everything so hard for me?

Lord if you love me tell me something I need to know

Tell me something so my day doesn’t go bye slow

Tell me something impactful

Tell me something that makes sense

Tell me something I need to say

Say it out loud

I need to say something instead of staying in my head

Lord can you hear me?

Why can’t I feel love?

What is wrong with me?

Do I just think too much dark things and it brings me to my misery?

Please help me see I’m okay

I’m calling out to you for help again

I know I need to say more to you

I’m trying but there is only so much I can do

Are you even real god?

Why do I has so many thoughts that don’t make sense

Why can’t I make sense

I keep coming back to the darkness

I can’t get away

Lord help me to be happy

Lord hear me when I say I need a loving god to save my days.