I Kept Expecting Something They Didn’t Have

“We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.” — Anaïs Nin

As a highly empathetic person, I heard from a young age the usual:

“you are so nice”

“you are so kind”

“you are so good”

Of course, it felt amazing at the time.

What more could I ask for from this life if I am gifted with such a strong wish to remain kind?

I would never intentionally hurt anyone, and I am basically incapable of truly hating a person.

Then, it felt like a blessing.

Now, it feels like a liability.

How could I find my path without crossing my moral boundaries in a world with no morals?

Growing up, I heard more and more concerned voices.

What initially was admiration suddenly turned into pity.

They tried to teach me to protect myself.

To not trust anyone.

To understand that people would eat each other alive just to reach their purpose.

This genuine worry, that I was somehow too soft (a term that I despise associating with a person), made me more and more confused.

Back then, I couldn’t understand.

Protect myself from whom?

Sure, that child-like innocence flew away before I could even understand it.

Then, the world hit me, cruel and evil as they had warned me.

A shock, to say the least.

But I refused to give up who I was.

So I just had to adapt.

I looked desperately for kindness and the good in people.

For emotions, happiness, and warmth to keep myself alive.

In a paradoxical manner, I found all that amidst this chaos that we call home.

I shall never give up the belief that humans are indeed good and that the world is indeed beautiful, as it had seemed to me when I was just a quarter of a human.

Call me naive, I know.

As time passed, it was always so easy to understand what others went through.

Their pain and their joy were so transparent to me.

I could tend to their wounds with such ease.

I could never stay away.

Problem is, I always had the belief they could see me too the same way I see them.

My sorrow.

My happiness.

The needs that I never dared to speak out loud.

They all seemed so easy to understand for me.

Why didn’t they see me?

They all glowed so visibly in my eyes while I was invisible in theirs.

I was hurt.

I was sad.

I was mad.

Over and over again.

Erase, repeat.

Other people, same people.

Different places, identical places.

Changed times, unchanged times.

I was faced with such an inability to understand why they just didn’t do what I did for them.

I didn’t help or support them as a chore or as a debt.

But when I needed it, I still somehow expected the same.

In a way that I now notice was very much selfish.

Then, one day, everything changed.

Talking with someone about this, she said one sentence that I shall never forget:

“Not everyone has empathy.”

A couple of words I could barely hear through my tears.

And yet, everything stopped.

A sentence so simple and obvious hit me like a brick.

I never, even for a second, considered they might not understand what I felt and what I wanted the way I did.

They didn’t mean to hurt me.

They just couldn’t see it.

They weren’t evil.

They didn’t mean harm.

They weren’t broken or empty.

They were wonderful people.

They were just… different from me.

Empathy wasn’t something everyone has.

It wasn’t a default setting.

They were just doing what they thought was best.

For the first time, I didn’t feel ignored or wronged.

I just felt at peace.

A sort of closure to my desperation.

No one can see the world how you see it.

Everyone has their own unique way of perceiving the same reality and different ways of reacting to the same situation.

Maybe they don’t hate you.

They just don’t know.

Maybe they need you to tell them what you feel.

Maybe they need you to help them see you.

I was hurt many times after that moment.

And though it was painful, those words always came back, like a hot cup of tea on a cold night.

Warm.

Comforting.

The idea of not being rejected, just not understood, was a kind of peace I could never find before.

So next time you feel betrayed and wronged, let me be the warm hug you need.

One day, we will find someone who sees us without any words or explanations.

But until that day comes, we shall be our own safety net.

It doesn’t matter if you fall as long as you catch yourself.

© [2026] [Sophie D.]. All Rights Reserved.

This article was originally published on my Substack @sophie128.

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