3:10 to Ingoldmells, Chapter Two

On leaving the joke shop Pat led Juniper a short way to a district which he said was perfect for what they had in mind, though she was out of her depth as to why. There was a building whose double-door was made of elaborately carved wood and covered just the middle part of the doorway, through which only adult spectres seemed permitted to pass. This they were doing in extremely jolly fashion, whilst outside was a contrivance more outlandish still to Mini-Flash Juniper. Roofed by an awning it was wide rather than high, and populated by lurching mannequins which bawled a steady incoherent spiel. Child-phantoms were popping ineffectually away at these with guns far larger and cruder still than the one Juniper had purchased, and to all appearances enjoying the experience heartily.

Peculiar lot, Earthlings. Mini-Flash Juniper seemed to find herself making that observation every time she was amongst them.

That said, on this one instance even the general baffling behaviour paled by comparison to that of the Earthling whose idea it had been to come here.

For Pat, despite his enthusiasm over Mini-Flash Juniper’s proposal back at the shop, had started to display a marked reluctance now that the time was nigh. He looked decidedly flushed, and kept telling her he hadn’t expected there to be so many people around. She wished he’d hurry up, because he was making her feel it was a silly thing she’d suggested, even though Pat had also put her in the position of promising to be as good as her word. She’d already known the first gender were more complicated than some of the second gave them credit for, but seriously. On this world more than any other, it seemed.

“Just let this lot go by,” Pat muttered at length as several other boys passed, raising their eyebrows and saying “Aye-aye!” as he himself sometimes did.

“Are you going to do it now, Pat?” asked Mini-Flash Juniper.

She’d unwrapped the frilly elastic thing and was holding it out to him on one finger. Poor Pat by now was brick-red, but took it.

Obligingly Juniper pointed one toe, while gathering up the pleats of her school skirt to leave that leg clear for him all the way to the thigh.

From the looks of Pat you’d have thought his planet had just come to an end.

He was still glancing furtively from left to right too, but all in one go he knelt, with an air of wanting to get this over and done with as quickly as possible.

So he commenced, and Mini-Flash Juniper would have guessed he had twenty thumbs, from what her foot told her as he bumbled to negotiate a single flat-soled shoe and bring the operation as far as her ankle. There he paused, as for a well-earned rest.

“I think it’s supposed to go a little higher than that,” hinted Juniper.

“I know!” flung back Pat, whose cheeks were scorching him. “Just give us a minute!”

Yet that seemed to Pat’s own hearing nowhere near long enough for him to muster his nerve. A distance he feared was insurmountable lay between the dainty and supple little nylon-blue circumference where he was, and the infinitely broader destination where stocking stretched so fine as to be a mere tint on trembling alabaster-white. Pat’s thought as he gazed upwards along this contoured slope was that he’d chosen too challenging a climb.

“It would be nice if you could manage to do it fairly soon, Pat,” continued Juniper, who was starting to totter on the one foot still in contact with the ground.

So Pat steeled himself. Although if someone had mentioned to him just then that he didn’t exist, the news would have come as a great comfort.

“Gordon Bennett!” shouted Maureen.

ZY-29 had suddenly started to grow at a tremendous rate, and move, swinging his big blocky arms which were jointed only at the shoulder.

Flashsatsumas however, even as he did so, swooned and fell prone upon the pavement.

Jenny came to.

She was at the Wild West-themed street of a holiday camp, and a strange boy was kneeling down to put a garter on her.

Were they getting married?

Jenny had heard of summer romances, but this one seemed to be moving a little fast for her liking. Nor was that any sort of thought to cross your mind when you were already balanced precariously on one toecap, so Jenny didn’t think she could be blamed for crying out aloud and falling. She fetched up seated and out of breath, having given her surroundings quite a shake.

“Gordon Bennett,” Jenny heard the boy exclaim. “Too much like hard work, this.”

And next second she was blinking in astonishment as he wrapped his arms around her, in order to administer a great big squeeze.

Which was…

Well.

Jenny was still assimilating, and in all fairness there was rather a lot to take in at once.

But it wasn’t altogether quite as inappropriate as she might have expected it to be.

There were certain unanswered questions, yes, and Robin was going to have to be factored into it somewhere, but just for the moment…

Jenny supposed she was on holiday.

So she honestly didn’t mind sitting it out until the squeeze ended.

Then, when it did, she had to admit the first thing she wondered was whether there was going to be another.

There was.

The boy indeed seemed to be positively going for it, not so much squeezing as straining –

Oh!

Suddenly it dawned on Jenny. He was trying to lift her up.

She’d completely misread the situation. Really, it ought to have occurred to her how often others underestimated just how much she weighed. So right away Jenny helped the boy out, trying to make it look as if she wasn’t doing so, in case it would have wounded his pride to know that without her assistance he’d never have been able to budge her an inch.

“You alright?” he asked her immediately.

Not every boy would have put the question with such genuine anxious concern over whether Jenny might have hurt herself. He did seem nice.

Casting her bashful eyes down she saw the garter was still limply looped around her ankle. What a time for toys to be getting in the way! Mortified, Jenny hiked her leg and tugged the ludicrous thing into place, miniature revolver and all, then swiftly encouraged the folds of her skirt to cover it and keep it from sight. It had caused more than enough embarrassment. Now however there was nothing to stop Jenny treating Pat to her cheesiest smile and blushing the awkwardness out, all the while keeping an open mind as to where that might…

Pat. The boy’s name was Pat.

More was coming back now, very gradually indeed, but there was one point among it all which felt by far the most urgent.

Chocolate cake. Pat was going to have to buy some for her at once.

END OF CHAPTER TWO